I'm zero for four. We get these BOGO coupons in the mail for the Student Massage place downtown. We get so excited every time. Who wouldn't get excited for a $12.50 massage?! But it's on a first come, first serve basis only on the weekends. So we have to plan it out so that Shep is not neglected. So this weekend, we went on Saturday at exactly 8 am when it opened. I have no idea how this worked out, but there were already 50 people in line. So we went to Ruth's instead; Eddie had chicken fried steak eggs benedict. It was heaven on earth. So we tried again for the massage on Sunday morning before church. I went and waited for about an hour before I got in. Not bad. I decided to go to Gourmandise down the street while I waited and get some Italian cookies; it was closed. Then I went to Nostalgia for some coffee and a pastry (just like Europe!) They had gluten free and vegan pastries. Fail! So I go back with just coffee for my "massage."
Let me back up, in the past, I've had three lotionings from the Students. Every time I ask for a deep tissue massage, but low and behold, I get a lotioning. It's sad. This time was different. Half of the time, Student forgot to even use lotion! But anyway, Student starts with my left elbow. She spent a good, full minute rubbing gently on it. A minute is a long time. Then Student moved one inch down and spent another whole minute gently rubbing back and forth on my ulna. It was weird. Not even slightly good. I debated stopping the whole thing right then, but thought that it could only get better, right? Welllll, the lotioning continued. She asked no less than seven times how the pressure was and I responded every. single. time. that she could go deeper. But nope, no change. Student didn't even touch my lower back, which I wrongly assumed was a basic part of any massage. And I was slightly bummed because I had worn cute bundies that said "Stay Cool" on the butt that I thought we might have a laugh about. Student did manage to really drive a knuckle into my arches which have been sore since the day Shep was born. So there's that. For the grande finale, Student had me flip over and then went straight to right arm. And then for a second time, she wiggled my wenis. I stayed cool, thanked her, and left.
